We have all had bad dates. Single, married, doesn’t matter…we all remember a bad date…a bad date for the books. Thing is…those are more often than not, first dates that we go home from and ask God why we are still single and being put through this 7th layer of hell. Always one to try to up the ante a touch, I found a way to have the best worst date ever (maybe a slight exaggeration) with a guy I’m in a relationship with. So in honor of Valentine’s Day just around the corner, here is the story to make you feel better about all your bad dates. 🙂
JM and I didn’t get to spend New Year’s together because he had previously made plans. So…we decided to do a belated New Year Dinner. This is my favorite meal of the year….I do this awesome, Southern style meal. This year was fried pork chops, white gravy, buttermilk mashed potatoes, hoppin’ john (black-eyed peas), greens wilted in bacon jam, and cornbread from scratch. Delicious, right? (Half the recipes are from Garden & Gun magazine…the meal was going to be epic!).
We are laughing and talking, having an amazing time….so amazing that the first two pork chops end up a little over cooked. Fear not! I have two more! I coat the last one in flour and slide it into the HOT grease. This hot grease splashes up onto my hand while JM is talking to me from the living room. I immediately rush to the sink and start cold water…unable to speak because if I do a torrent of tears will ensue and I really just want to finish this damn dinner! Seconds later, he realizes I’m sniffling and comes in to see me hunched over the sink. He gives me ice while I tell him to ignore me and instead worry about the 5 things on the stove that are surely burning.
I pulled a Debra (my mom who after having being released from the hospital moved a barstool into the kitchen to oversee the Thanksgiving dinner preparation) and started directing him on what should be done, asking for tastes of things, telling him to add more, thin it out, flip it over, put it on the towel for draining, etc. Thankfully, this man understands and knows me (and thankfully likes me despite myself), and followed my lead.
Dinner finally was finished (without the greens and other things being less than my imagined ideal). He had to cut my pork chop for me because I couldn’t hold the knife. I looked like a 2-year-old trying to shovel food into my mouth using a fork in my left hand. After less than 10 bites I just gave up altogether. This is when I normally would get in the kitchen and start putting things away, cleaning dishes, etc. Well, this night I sat in my chair while he cleaned…my hand resting on a new ice bag that he made me.
I would love to say this is where the night took a magical turn and became the best date ever…instead…it gets worse. I couldn’t feel my hand because I had ice on it for so long. Since I had burned myself, my stomach had been in knots but it chose to lash out in a violent manner about two hours after dinner. He looked at me and could tell I felt bad and asked me how I felt. I told him I felt like I was going to be sick. After begging him not to come into the bathroom while I hurled my dinner back up, I excused myself from the room. Yep that’s right. I vomited while my hand is being iced down because I burned it, while my guy sits in the living, obviously hearing my stomach’s valiant effort to expel any food that I had consumed that day. WORST DATE EVER!
But here is the thing that made it awesome, we laughed…we laughed the whole way through this hellacious night. Even while I was in tears because it hurt so bad, we laughed at the situation. I told him that I need us to forget the whole damn thing because no night should be this bad. Instead, he said it was one of his favorite nights with me because we ended up until the wee hours of the morning sharing stories about our families. We got to know each other better. And bless that man’s heart, but he babied me to no end. I didn’t have to get up once for advil, water, or an ice packs.
What could have signaled the end for so many dates in the past, ended up being my best worst date ever. Maybe not the best date ever, but surprisingly not on the worst date list either.