When it’s been so hard for so long, it makes it confusing when dating is easy. Especially if you are an overthinker like me. That’s how I feel about dating.
After years of dating, I have gotten to a point where I am very happy on my own. I think this might be as a direct result of dating actually. When you have 8+ years of bad dates, always seeming to find the guys that aren’t emotionally available, can’t commit to me (but eagerly jump into an engagement after we break up), or just an endless parade of assholes who shouldn’t date anyone, you realize that you are fabulous company. I can easily sit on my couch, in my PJs, watching DVR, reading a book, doing whatever, for a day or two and never get tired of myself. The result of being happy when you are alone is that you don’t require anyone to make you happy, which means less dating for dating’s sake and more dating with a purpose in mind.
I mean, Ryan was right…wasn’t he? I mean it’s going to be hard? I mean, eight years…constantly trying to find someone. Again, let’s recall the parade of assholes and the poor wounded birds who couldn’t commit. Finding someone worthy of multiple dates is hard!! Then, of course, do you match on all the necessary levels: values, hobbies, personality? You finally find someone you mesh with on those basic levels, but do you like each other? Are both of you actually ready for a relationship? Dating is all in good and fun until you like the guy and you realize that the guy isn’t remotely interested or ready for anything beyond fun.
But then, what happens. You meet a guy who is nice. You both match up on all the basics, you both like each other, you both seem to be ready for a relationship. And everything seems…well, easy.
Oh yeah, I’m totally that girl. Things seem to be going well? They can’t be…because it’s supposed to be hard. If it isn’t hard that means it isn’t right, right? Or is that exactly what it means? When I think about friends in relationships, none had to fight for relationships they are in. Should getting to know someone, inviting them into your life, beginning to share things with them, be hard? Shouldn’t it be fun and exciting? It should be that wonderful honeymoon phase. If it is hard that early then what will it be once things get really hard down the road when your lives combine and you go through the normal trials of a serious relationship. BUT…there is the whole line of thought “anything worth having is worth fighting for”. If you aren’t fighting for it because it just kind of happens naturally, does that mean it’s right or that is it wrong?
JM recently called me out on this during one of our long conversations regarding the past and our bad habits. After making the comment that things with him seemed easy and that it kind of weirded me out, he so eloquently stated, “Maybe you just did the hard part already. You’ve already paid in and its time for you to be able to take it easy.” Well, that seems like a simplistic answer, but maybe he is right. If it has to be hard, maybe the hard part is the road that leads us to where we are or where we are supposed to be. Maybe not every step has to be a fight. Maybe…the bad dates, dead-end romances, and asshole parade
Maybe not every step has to be a fight. Maybe…the bad dates, dead-end romances, and asshole parade is there to make us appreciate the times when dating is easy.
So which do you think it is? Anything that’s worth fighting is worth fighting for or the easier it flows the more right it is?